DEVELOPING A CHILD'S SELF ESTEEM
DEVELOPING A CHILD’S SELF ESTEEM
Right from infancy when your baby smiles at you and you smile back, you are helping your child build his self-esteem. Building a good self-esteem is essential for a child to be able to cope with challenges that arise as they learn to socialize with others and as they grow and learn new skills. Learning what they are capable of and how to interact with others helps them to develop a positive self concept.
As a child grows they are always trying new things, many times they have to try it over and over again in order to master a skill. A healthy self-esteem is closely tied into how loved and encouraged a child feels. As a parent you have a huge impact on your child’s self-perception. Children are very sensitive to the way the parent speaks to them. Even though praise and encouragement are important, make sure you are honest and truthful with your praise. Saying “good job” is helpful, but being specific can help the child more. For example, “Good job throwing the ball, and I love how hard you try to catch it. “ You might even want to tell the child how hard it was for you to learn to catch a ball. Praising a child’s efforts is often more important than praising their accomplishments. Praising their efforts gives them the strength to keep trying. As the child grows there are many areas where they need to develop self-esteem.
INDEPENDENCE ISSUES:
As a child succeeds in mastering a task their self esteem grows. However, often parents are busy or in a hurry therefore making time for a child’s repeated tries at zippering a jacket, for example can be frustrating for the parent and the child. Try to make opportunities to promote the child’s independence. Taking jackets on and off, hanging coats on accessible hooks, pouring their own juice, and clearing their place after lunch are just some of the self-help skills that provide independence and foster positive self-esteem. Its tempting, especially when you are in a hurry to do everything for the child, however, by giving the child opportunity to do things for themselves, they are gaining the courage to try things they may never have attempted to do before.
Children who are allowed to make mistakes in a safe and supportive environment will go on to develop self-reliance and self-esteem, which are both instrumental components in early learning. There is no question that allowing small children to pour their own milk, for example, can in some cases be considered more work for you. However, when you understand that you are assisting your child in their healthy growth and development it makes it worthwhile.
SOCIAL SKILLS AND FRIENDSHIP
Children need to learn to be comfortable with other children and adults. Toddlers do not socialize with peers naturally. They are still very self-centered and do not understand the concept of sharing until almost three years old. Arguments are bound to start. However it is important that you model good relationships with others for your child. Acknowledge the child’s feelings, show the toddler how they should react to situations. For example “I see you are angry because _________ but its not Ok to hit your brother. Let’s use our words instead”. As the child learns to control their feelings and actions, make sure you notice and praise them.
For example, “I know you were angry because you ________I am so proud of you that you asked for a turn instead of hitting your brother.” This will encourage and reinforce the right choices.
TRUST
Trust is closely liked with a healthy self-esteem. Our children need to be able to trust others in order to trust themselves. When a child can anticipate that their needs will be acknowledged and responded to, trust will follow. Consistency of care on the part of the parent is so important to fostering trust in the child. When your child develops a good sense of trust they are more able to take risks. You can foster this in your child by being positive and modeling positive behaviors in your interaction with people.
As your child builds trust they develop a positive self-concept and become encouraged to try new things. They begin to view their parents and adults as a source of support.
WHAT WE SAY AND HOW WE SAY IT MATTERS
Occasionally parents can create barriers for children and chip away at their self-esteem without even realizing it. Stereotypes and labels such as “baby”, “lazy” and “trouble” make children feel insecure. Put-downs, comparisons, criticisms, and over-protection can further handicap children.
HELPFUL HINTS
• Accept your child for who he is and what he is. Your acceptance will lead to feelings of self-acceptance in the child.
• Set clear, reasonable rules and expectations of behavior. When children have boundaries and know what behavior is expected of them, they tend to develop higher self-esteem.
• Encourage autonomy and independence in children. Know when to “let go”.
• Give children freedom to enjoy themselves-to explore, to be creative, and to laugh.
• Allow children to make decisions and accept responsibility.
• Provide a secure environment where children can feel safe and freely express their feelings and opinions.
• Model respect for all children, regardless of their race sex, religion, or ethnic background.
• Try to provide as many experiences as possible in which your child can be successful.
• Encourage your child to try new things and to take risks.
• Have realistic expectations for your children. Know what they are developmentally capable of doing.
• Replace discouraging remarks and criticism with encouragement and compliments.
• Help the children see how they are unique and special. Discuss different physical attributes, personality traits, talents, and interests.
• Talk to your child about being multi-dimensional. For example, “I’m pretty good at singing, but I still have to work on my letters.” Point our all the things that your child does well.
• Don’t expect your child to be perfect. Show him it is all right to fail and help him learn how to deal with his mistakes and learn from failure.
• Do not make insulting or negative remarks about your child in their presence, and don’t allow them to downgrade themselves or others.
• Be enthusiastic and optimistic about life. Think positive thoughts about yourself and your child.
• Praise and reinforce your child to let him know that you recognize his worth
• Give you child lots of smiles and positive reinforcement. Be patient.